True Hell


You’re on a plane and about take off from the runway but the plane is having technical difficulties, the entire plane is coach seating, the kind you find on a discount airline and the flight attendants keep saying “You’re not allowed to leave your seat at the moment.” and the only movies you can watch are Adam Sandler movies, it wouldn’t matter anyway because there is a toddler having tantrum somewhere, you can’t exactly pinpoint where, but you think its coming from all directions. Its hot outside and the person next to you (who you’re pretty sure should have paid for two seats.) appears to have forgone deodorant today, thank god the food and drink cart is coming! “What would you like?” she asks, “What would you like to eat?” you reply, she holds up a packet gluten-free rice crackers, “What do you have to drink?” You ask, she holds up a bottle of Pepsi light “Do you have anything with alcohol in it?”  “I’m sorry ma’am, but we don’t serve alcohol.” you grimace “I’ll have the Pepsi.” . She pours it and you see that it is caffeine free, you take a sip and you realise not only is it caffeine free but it’s also flat and warm. After drinking your caffeine free, flat, soda, you feel the burning need to pee, you finally get the flight attendant’s attention “I’m so sorry ma’am but all our bathrooms are out-of-order.”  “Can’t I just leave the plane? We haven’t even taken off yet.” you plead “I can’t let you do that ma’am.” just then the pilot speaks “All righty folks we are all up and running, so sit back and relax and enjoy your flight to Hell!”


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